All you have to do is search “funny resumes” or “resume bloopers” and you will be inundated with funny anecdotes from various companies who have collected some hilarious resumes.
These resumes definitely make for some fun water-cooler humor, but it won’t land you a job. In fact, mistakes will repel would-be employers.
Be careful when you’re typing your resume or submitting an online job application. Check, double check and then recheck your spelling and word choices, and then have someone else check it too!
Here are some funnies from resumes around the world:
Education: “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”
Background: “28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).
Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.”
“2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people.”
Hobbies: “drugs and girls”.
Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen.”
One resume said that the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.
One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the border.
“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
“Marital status: often. Children: various.”
Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”
Objective: “So one of the main things for me is, as the movie ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it, ‘Show me the money!'”
Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”
Application: Why should an employer hire you? “I bring doughnuts on Friday.”
Experience: “Child care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”
Personal: “I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.”